An Angel's Hope
by sihala
Summary: The drell assassin had died prematurely. He knew the end was near, but not that soon. In the afterlife, Thane realized that he was not yet done living. When given a second chance, will he make all the wrongs in his past life right?
1. Prologue

_She whispers to him, like wind caressing a leaf through an autumn day. Her words are indistinguishable, yet her tone is subtle, heartfelt. He reaches out for her, to touch her soft skin and smell the slight fragrance of her hair. But she is not there. He is utterly alone, only the shade of what his Siha once was. His Siha, oh how he misses you so. If only to see you again, what he would give . . ._

* * *

Shepard read through his message multiple times, with tears streaming down her cheeks. She could imagine him, by himself in the hospital, refusing the help of anyone to write the letter. She knew Thane, stubborn and independent.

_Never lose hope_, the title had said. Ironic how Shepard refused to believe in such an abstract thing. But now, she wasn't so sure she had always been in the right.

She damned them all: the Reapers, Cerberus, that bastard Kai Leng, and Udina. Most of all, she cursed herself. She should have known a coup was coming; Thane could've had more time.

There she went, being selfish. Shepard knew before becoming attached to Thane that it wouldn't last long, and so did he. "But why so soon?" She whispered aloud to no one in particular.

Tucking the datapad that contained the message within her arms, she curled up into a fetal position on her bed and cried silent tears until she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 1

_Waves washed over him repeatedly, chipping away a sin every time. And with every sin gone, so was the memory, relieving him of a continued torment. He was free of guilt, of the sadness and anger of his past life decisions. It was time for him to start anew, and if the gods and goddesses be true, maybe they could give him a second chance._

_Surrounding him were the iridescent and pure forms of the ancient gods of the drell ways. Beautiful, magnificent, humbling, and gracious. They did not speak words, but he could understand them. He had learned a lesson that needs to be taught to others, and by returning him to the world of mortals, he shall fulfill his prophecy, a legacy remembered in the name of the ancient gods._

_"Thank you," He said to them, and in return, they let the ocean of life consume him. His world had turned black once again._

* * *

The Citadel was full of refugees in need of a variety of different things. Medi-gel, housing, clothing, food. It was a sad sight to see, and Shepard wished she had enough time and resources to help all of them. In the hospital, the rooms were at max capacity with wounded and dying C-sec officials and citizens of the Citadel. Damn Cerberus.

She saw the chair that Thane had been sitting at when she had met with him on the Citadel. He didn't have the strength or the energy as he once had, and he knew it. It saddened her to see him that way. But the fire was still there, the way he spoke to her, and longed for her.

Shepard sat in the chair, and felt the tears threatening to flow. Clenching her teeth, she looked out the window. The vista was of the lower Presidium, a beautiful sight to see before the coup. But it did not give her any comfort. Being here only reminded her of the war, and how easily it can take the ones you cared about.

Her next mission reminded her to return back to the Normandy, and Shepard left the citadel with a heavier heart than before.

* * *

He awoke in a makeshift medical laboratory with tubes and wires attached to him that hooked up to machines. The smell was sterile, like a hospital, but the room contained no one else. It was dark, with lights that flickered overhead in an ominous sort of way. Only after he had begun to remove the wires from his chest that he realized he wasn't himself. Not completely. He expected to see his light green skin that he inherited from his mother, and instead saw tanned skin of a human. Examining his hands, he had ten fingers and ten toes, all of which had curious hardened shells over the tips. Fingernails; for self-defense, maybe? He never had time to really examine the anatomy and physiology of humans. Looking back, he wished he had.

Why had the gods reincarnated him into a human? It made no sense. It was by the gods that the drell had existed, thus creating the religion, but now he began to have doubts. Maybe it wasn't just the drell beliefs, maybe it was just the will of the universe, and it only made sense to him to see it as the gods of his religion.

But these were just theories, and why did it matter? He had been given a second chance. It was an opportunity to put what was right in his past life, in spite of how short it had been.

His thoughts went immediately to his Siha, creating a tingling sensation in his human stomach. He had to get out of here to protect her - she had to survive this Reaper war.

There was a door on the far side of the room. He immediately started toward it, when a Cerberus trooper entered through. He had his back turned from him, probably unaware he had awoken. He hid behind a stack of medical mech, trying to melt into the shadows as he once had, but this human body was clumsier than he had predicted.

"Yeah, tell Delta Squad that we're moving in five down to vorcha territory to secure the area." The door shut behind him, and then silence.

He began to radio out to another trooper, but Thane cut him off by tightly choking his neck. He quickly disabled his radio, and matched the same frequency that the Cerberus operatives were using to communicate through his omni-tool to track their movements. Thane bined the trooper with wires, unsure of why he was doing this. Killing him would have been much quicker, but for some reason, he avoided his past ways. He then found a plain medical jumpsuit, put it on, and snuck out through the same door, hopefully undetected. Thank the gods that he wasn't a drell to stand out.

Outside the door was an alleyway he recognized as Omega. It made sense that Cerberus had control of it, he had seen Aria T'Loak when she was on the Citadel. He wondered if they had frequent shuttles coming in and out with supplies that he could possibly hitch a ride on.

His omni-tool lit up as he weaved through crowds of refugees, and citizens of Omega, criminals and city-goers alike. "Cobra, what's the status on the Alliance operative we found?" The comm was silent for a moment, then the voice repeated it again. "Cobra, what's the status?"

Thane guessed that Cobra was the trooper whom he had bound. He stopped in the middle of a busy walkway, listening for what they'd do next.

"Striker, go investigate the operative. If he's alive, then terminate him, and don't bother interrogating him. He's too much of a threat."

"Sir, he was in critical condition and relied on life support when we left him in the medical lab," Striker responded. "There's no way he could have been a threat."

"I don't care, I ordered you to check on him!"

This didn't make any sense to Thane. An Alliance operative in critical condition? Well, that explained why he was attached to life support machines, but it didn't explain how he was walking at a brisk pace with ease. For the first time in what seemed to be a long time, Thane drew in a deep breath, feeling his lungs expand willingly. His heart beat strong and healthy, and he predicted this body was no more than its mid-twenties.

Yes, he knew from the start that this body was not his. He felt as though he was a foreign invader, like Harbinger once had through his Collecter drones. It was an unnerving feeling, but he continued forward to the docking area of Omega. Thane wasn't about to break down and ruin everything he had been given.

Ahead of him, a squad of Cerberus troops held a security line through the check-in points, scanning everyone and everything that passed through from the shuttles. But he saw no way out, only things coming in.

On the side of one the checkpoints was an air vent well hidden in the shadows, and not too far from the ground. He quickly used his omni-tool to cut through the metal and opened the shaft. As he crawled through the vent, his omni-tool illuminated again. "Commander, Cobra was tied up, and the operative is gone. I don't know how-"

"Doesn't matter," the Commander interrupted. "Finding the operative is priority one, do you hear me? Tighten security on the docks, I have a feeling he might be wanting to leave."

Thane quickened his pace. Hopefully, if he hurried enough he might bypass the added security. He stopped suddenly when he had passed over the first opening of the air vent. He peered down and scouted out the area below him.

This vent went directly over the cargo area, which was exactly what he wanted. From the looks of it, troopers were nowhere in sight; another added bonus. This might be easier than he had expected. But the drop was too high from where he was at, so he continued down the shaft until it curved downwards; dropping silently and absorbing the impact with his knees and the balls of his feet. Useful, he thought. Human joints were more resilient to impact than drell joints.

Silently, he slid the metal covering away from the shaft and proceeded to make another quiet jump in the cover behind a shuttle.

"Hey! You aren't cleared to be in here-" A Cerberus dock worker had spotted him, but Thane had quickly silenced him by covering his mouth with his hand.

"Please, I do not wish to harm you," Thane said softly into the ear of the worker. "Give me your shuttle schedule, and return to your family. Cerberus is not the organization you want to work with."

The man nodded his head fervently, and when Thane released him, he handed over his datapad with shipping times. "You're right, whoever you are. I don't like what Cerberus has been shipping into Omega."

He looked up at the dock worker, into his watery blue eyes. "What have they been bringing into the station?"

He looked around behind his shoulder and then leaned in and whispered, "Not only have they been bringing in heavy artillery, but some sort of experimental instruments. I don't know what they're used for, but they don't look pretty. And . . . I'm afraid they're going to use them on the civilians here." His voice quivered and faltered. "I only took this job to support my family. It's been hard since we had to be evacuated from the colony. And now Cerberus? Look, I don't know who you are, but there are people who need help here."

Thane's heart went out for those here who were threatened by Cerberus, but this was his only shot to get off the station. . .

"Listen to me, and listen to me well," Thane started, overwhelmed by the compulsion to assist. "Gather all the dock workers that you can trust, the more the better. Stop all shipments through security and look for anything that can be useful for a fight. Do it fast, I've been monitoring their comm channels and they're going to tighten security."

The man's eyes widened for a moment, then he nodded, placing a strong hand on his arm. "Thank you for helping."

After he had turned away and called over a few of his friends, Thane had responded inaudibly, "I just hope it's enough."


	3. Chapter 2

_The encounter of the ardat-yakshi monastery had put Shepard into a bad mood. Her hatred toward the Reapers had only increased after what she saw what Rila and all the other asari had gone through._

"I admire their strategy." Garrus said, pouring Shepard and himself a drink at the bar. "Whenever those bastards turn one of our own against us, we lose two soldiers: the one that they indoctrinate, and the one that can't pull the trigger."

She took the drink harshly away from his hand and tipped it back in one gulp, liking the burning sensation it made down into her stomach. "How can you even say that? They aren't even worth admiring over."

He shrugged, and knocked back his own special turian brandy. "War is war, no matter how sinister or evil it can be. And sometimes, you have to learn from the other team."

"You make it sound like it's a game."

Garrus laughed, his scars prominent on the right side of his face. "The ultimate strategy game, where the wrong decisions can cost you thousands, hell, maybe millions." He poured another round and then lifted his glass in a toast. "For those damn fine soldiers out there holding the line long enough for us to sort out all the democratic bullshit."

Shepard clinked her glass against his. "For Admiral Anderson and all the brave souls back on Earth. For Palaven and all the tough-son-of-a-bitch turians who are putting up a hell of a fight."

They took down the alcohol together in silence. Garrus watched her as she sat down clumsily in a leather chair. "Well said, Shepard. You know, without you, we'd all been dead years back when Saren and Sovereign took over the Citadel."

She snorted once. "Yeah, and the good karma I get is being spaced by a Collector ship. That was some scary shit."

"I can't even imagine." He chuckled, "And to think I had it rough on Omega taking out all those criminals."

"I'm just glad you're here, Garrus." She said quietly, looking down at her empty glass. "I couldn't imagine going through this without you."

He knelt next to her chair, replaced the glass with his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "I'm here for you, Shepard. I always will be. I-,"

She watched him turn his head away from her. "Tell me Garrus."

"I know it's been hard for you since Thane past away. I don't want to rush in on you so quickly. You need time to heal, and I'd feel like a jerk if-,"

"Shh," she leaned to softly kiss him on the scar-ridden side of his face. "You - you are exactly what -hic- I need right now."

Garrus watched as she swayed in the seat with a mixture of scrutiny and amusement. "Is that the alcohol or Shepard speaking?"

"Both?"

"I think you need some rest, Commander," he said, helping her out of the seat. "You're going to have a helluva hangover tomorrow."

She stumbled over the foot rest and nearly fell if it wasn't for Garrus catching her around the waist. "Thanks, -hic- I nearly ate it on my face."

"Maybe I should help you up to your cabin," Garrus said with humor as he easily lifted her up with his arms and walked to the elevator.

"Was that liquor -hic- laced?" She asked stupidly, stroking his shoulder plating coyly. "Should have known you only wanted to take -hic- advantage of me."

That surely ruffled his feathers; if turians could blush, Shepard swore he would have at this moment. "Looks like the great Commander Shepard can't hold her liquor anymore."

"I blame that turian bartender on the Citadel."

His whole body shook with laughter, causing him to rattle her in his arms. "Oh, I remember that night. Had to hold back your hair as you puked your brains out in the toilet."

"Yeah, yeah, keep talking Vakarian. Don't think I -hic- got some dirt on you too."

"I don't doubt it."

They reached her cabin and he gently laid her on the bed. When he turned to leave, Shepard grabbed his hand to stop him. "Won't you stay here tonight with me?"

He turned to her and half-smiled. "Ask me that later when you aren't influenced by the brandy."

She had already fallen asleep when Garrus turned off the lights and left back down the elevator.

* * *

Thane was impressed by the amount of willpower these dock workers had. They had gone through waves upon waves of Cerberus troops without a single scratch on them. He guessed it was the amount of weaponry they had available in the cargo, that and discovering that this body had biotic abilities, and could make a strong barrier against any counter-attacks by Cerberus.

Just as they took down the last Centurion, Thane's omni-tool lit up. "Goddamn all of you! If I have to take down those shit-ass workers, then so be it!"

All the workers looked upon Thane, fright apparent in their eyes. He chose carefully the words he was about to speak. "We've made it through this far, if we can get through the Commander, then that leaves only evacuating citizens on to shuttles. Fight for your families, fight for the innocent women and children, whose lives are at risk if we don't stop Cerberus now."

Not a moment after he finished his speech, smoke grenades blocked visibility to the security check-in point. Somebody yelled "Atlas!" followed by a rocket fired from the smoke into their barricade of metal containers. Thane witnessed lifeless bodies thrown into the air from impact. "No," he whispered.

"This ends now!" The Commander screeched through the Atlas' intercom, and volleyed rounds of bullets. He put up another barrier to protect the workers from getting hit, then threw an array of warps at the Atlas, breaking through its shields.

"Punch through that cockpit to expose him!" Thane yelled, taking up his Viper and shooting multiple fires at the hull of the Atlas.

"ENOUGH!" The Commander bellowed, and used the powerful arm to hurtle a shuttle toward a group of workers. They all died instantly.

Consumed with rage, Thane detonated a half a dozen sticky grenades and threw them onto the armoring of the Atlas, watching them all explode, eventually causing the Atlas itself to fall apart into flames.

Thane leaped over the barricade, his pistol reloaded and ready. The Commander had jumped out in time before being consumed by the fire.

He looked up at him, face covered in a helmet, but Thane could see his indoctrinated eyes, and felt sorry for him. It wasn't his choice to become a slave.

"Well, aren't you going to do it?" He spat violently. "Shoot me, you coward!"

Shaking his head, he lowered his weapon. "No."

There was outcry from behind the barricades. Thane knew they wouldn't agree with this.

The Commander chuckled, and quickly pulled out an electric baton; but just before he could hit Thane, he ducked smoothly out of the way, kicked the baton out of his hand, and threw down his pistol hard on his shoulder blade, making a sickening crack.

Yelling out in agony on the floor, the Commander held his broken shoulder. "Bind him," Thane told one of the workers. "Take him into custody. Omega should be easy to take back and defend with him out of the way."

John, the worker that he first met, came up to him after a pair of workers and taken the yelling Commander away. "Thank you, so much. Without you we would have never been able to stand against them. You know, if you need a ride off Omega, I can coordinate a shuttle with my family and a few other workers families. We could get you to the Citadel safely."

This time, Thane placed a hand on John's shoulder. "That would be most appreciated. Get as many civilians off Omega as you can. It still isn't safe here."

"Of course, I'll get them ready for departure."

After a group of refugees entered onto the shuttle, John helped a very pregnant woman onto the cruiser. "We're the last ones," He told Thane, and he shut the shuttle door.

John carefully sat her down and held her hand tightly as the shuttle exited the docking bay. "Thane, this is my wife, Nicole."

Nicole looked up at Thane with a smile that warmed his heart. "I can never thank you enough for saving all the refugees here on Omega. If you hadn't of helped us. . ."

John patted her hand. "We're safe now, and that's all that matters."

She rubbed her swollen belly and then looked upon her husband with a love so deep, Thane felt the need to look away. It was something to be shared only between them. "Honey, I want to name the baby after him, if it's a boy. If it's a girl . . ."

"When my wife and I were picking out names for our unborn child, I always liked the name Sihaya for a girl." Thane said quietly. "It meant 'desert spring' in a dead dialect. But you can choose whichever name you like."

"No, no," Nicole said. "I think it's unique and beautiful. A desert spring symbolically is hope, if you are trapped in the desert. And that was exactly what we needed." Her big, brown eyes bored into his. "You gave us that hope."

Now, Thane knew exactly why he had stayed behind and helped, and knew why he was returned to the living. He had a purpose again, one that did not involve making assassinations.

It was something bigger than him, a larger picture made of tiny, miniscule pictures. The unknown entity had given him life at this exact point in this moment of time knowing he would make use of it.

As the shuttle entered the mass relay, he had a positive outlook on the future ahead. Hope, was a funny thing. It comes to those in the darkest time that needed it most. Surely, it had come to Thane when he did.


	4. Chapter 3

_She woke up groggy and sluggish. Her body ached as she stretched. A hot shower would do her some good._

And she was right. The steaming water washed away the fog that clouded her mind and eased the tension of her muscles.

Not a moment later after she had gotten dressed, Garrus knocked and entered her cabin door, with a cup of fresh coffee. Shepard smiled at him and graciously accepted the cup, and noticed that he didn't have any. But then she remembered that turians had different diets.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked her, sitting on the couch, patting the seat next to him.

She took the seat and sighed deeply. "Drinking that much probably wasn't the best decision. But, what the heck. Everyone needs a morality check every once and awhile."

Garrus snickered. "You took the words right from my mouth."

"About last night. . ." She started.

"You don't have to explain yourself, Shepard. It's okay."

She breathed deeply out. That was a relief off of her shoulders. After thinking about it, she realized she wasn't ready for any commitment right now. It was still really hard being without Thane, he had been her one and only love. Garrus understood when she explained this to him, and was even okay with it. He knew what it felt like to lose someone close to you.

"Now, if you're feeling better, Shepard, we have a galaxy to save." He said humorously, walking out of her cabin.

"I'm right behind you, Vakarian."

The meeting with the Quarian admirals did not go as Shepard had planned. Tali was now an admiral? The Quarians were throwing a full-out war against the geth, and not only that, but the geth were being improved and updated by the Reapers? She wished that she could have some more of that brandy again.

When the meeting was said and done, Shepard slowly walked up to the galaxy map, feeling every movement of her body, calculating the weight and force of her muscles. She wished she could share the burden of galactic security with somebody else.

Before she set the destination of the geth dreadnought onto the galaxy map, the pinging light of her personal terminal caught her eye. She read the unopened message in her inventory.

_Siha,_

_I don't know how or if I can explain this to you, but I'm going to try. Do you believe in second chances? Or in hope that was never lost, only buried deep within for you to discover it again? I believe something, I am unsure what, has led me to you again. To help renew my life and make it right._

_If you loved me, Siha, which I have no doubt you did, then please meet me at the Citadel. Seeing you again, it would mean the world to me. I have missed you so much. But, I have to warn you, I do not look like what I was before. We can talk about it when you get here._

_I love you, and I hope everything is well. Looking forward to seeing you soon._

_Thane_

Her vision started to blacken around the edges as she focused on the name at the bottom of the message. What the hell was going on?

Shepard knew his words; who else would call her 'Siha'? But Thane was dead, she was only now starting to put things in the past behind her. Yet, she did love him, undoubtedly, and this message, as crazy as it was, gave her the hope he was talking about.

She switched courses to the Citadel. Top priority. She only prayed that this message was real, and not some sick and twisted joke.

* * *

When he saw the Normandy dock at the Citadel, his heart fluttered and the tingling sensation returned to his stomach. Being human was sometimes strange to Thane. He waited against the wall, next to the airlock door to docking bay D24.

And there she was, holding herself high with strength that he had always admired about her. She was looking around, almost nervously, no doubt for him as a drell. Yet, in his message he told her he'd look different, but he didn't tell her the specifics.

He finally mustered up his courage and approached her. "Shepard?" He asked quietly, even shyly. She looked upon him with the fiery eyes he could get lost in. It was like looking within her very soul. "It's me, Siha."

* * *

He had startled her with her name. She looked up to see one of the most attractive men she'd ever seen. His jaw was strongly sculptured, with perfect, even features, a set of white, immaculate teeth and bright blue eyes. The way he stood even reminded her of Thane, how he held his hands behind his back, muscled and toned shoulders held high.

"Thane?" She asked, almost inaudibly.

"Yes, Siha," He said, tears welling in his eyes. "It's me."


	5. Chapter 4

Without controlling herself, she collapsed into his arms. "It's okay," He whispered fiercely into her ear, kissing her hair and holding her tightly against his chest. "I'm here."

There was no trace of doubt that this man was her Thane. It was crazy, lunacy, sure. But definitely right, and she didn't care why or how it happened. Only that she never felt safer than here in his arms, right at this very second.

"Let us talk somewhere more private," he added after a few moments of the embrace. She couldn't have agreed more.

Her heart fluttered and her heart soared as he held her hand through the Normandy airlock. Human flesh against human flesh; it felt right.

The crew of the Normandy watched with suspicion and curiosity as she led the new Thane past security and up the elevator. For a moment, she wondered what Garrus would think of this, but the thought had passed as quick as it came. All that mattered was the man standing next to her, smiling down at her with a mixture of adoration and joy.

All of her worries, all of her fears, melted away when she gazed into that face. It felt like she had known him for years, like this was the true Thane.

Within the privacy of her cabin, he reached his free hand and gently caressed her face, lingering there to enjoy the sweetness of the instance.

"You came back to me," she whispered, her throat tight, the tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes fell to the floor, ashamed. "I - I was starting to put this all behind me."

His finger found his way under her chin to lift her eyes back up to his, where she became lost in their magnificent blue depths. _I will meet you in the place beyond the sea. _"As you should have, Siha. You had other, more pressing concerns."

"Explain to me everything." She pleaded, desperate for answers.

And he did not disappoint her. Thane told her exactly what happened from when he drew in his last breath, to this very moment. He had been dead, but he believed that his gods had given him a second life, and let him return to the living. Then, he had awoken on Omega as an Alliance operative, and in the process of escaping took down the Cerberus force there. He had saved countless of lives, and no doubt Aria would be pleased to have her station back. When he got to the Citadel, he immediately sent out a message, and now here he was.

"Do you still have a perfect memory?" Shepard asked curiously. "Do you remember everything from before?"

He hesitated. "Yes, to some extent. When I was in this . . . 'purgatory' I believe is the correct human term, they - the gods, I believe - had renewed me of my sins, my assassinations, all the wrongs I did in my life. I no longer can remember them clearly. Which is, in my opinion, a blessing." He closed his eyes. "I can remember everything with perfect clarity from the time I awoke on Omega. . .

"_Her large brown eyes looked up into mine, telling me thank you even without speaking. She rubbed her stomach affectionately, determined to name her child after me. Her husband then takes her hand, and they hold each other, grateful and humble for their safety._"

She remained quiet until she knew he had come back into reality from his memory. Then, shyly, she leaned up and kissed him softly at first, then more forcefully as his arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Her fingers wove through his short hair on the nape of his neck, causing him to break away from the kiss and moan aloud.

Giggling, she teased him. "This can be one of your more. . . pleasurable memories."

Thane chuckled darkly. "I look forward to remembering this over and over again." He then delved into her neck, touching his lips to her skin in the softest of manners.

A haze colored her vision, putting her into an almost drunken love stupor. She wondered if it was another mind power he possessed. "How's it like being human?" Shepard murmured.

"Interesting." He said, softly stroking his fingertips across her collarbone. "Such sensitivity to the slightest of touches. Unfortunately, drell could not experience this indulgence so intimately."

"I guess it's good that you were given this opportunity."

His eyes darted away from hers. "Until I make it uncomfortable with my lack of experience being human. I have no idea how to please you. . . in that sort of way."

She placed her hand on his cheek, making it hard for him to not look at her. "You could never make me uncomfortable, Thane. And besides, you were doing just fine so far."

"Is that so?" he said, almost like a purr. It made her stomach fill with a fluttering sensation.

Never had she wished for something more than for that night to never end.

She awoke in her bed alone; still could feel the gentle touch of Thane on her skin. Was it all just some incredible dream, or was this just a crazy reality that hasn't sunken in yet?

From the far end of her cabin, she heard the shower running. Instinctively, she investigated to find Thane under the showerhead, examining a bottle of shampoo, and muttering to himself. "This sticky goo goes in your hair? How odd."

Shepard laughed hysterically. "Oh, my Thane, what am I to do with you?"

He jumped slightly at her voice, then smiled sheepishly at her. "I believe I require your assistance, siha."

She was already in the shower before he finished his sentence, taking the bottle from his hand and pouring a small amount into the palm of her own. "When you mix it with your wet hair, it becomes soapy," she said, demonstrating by lathering the suds into her own soaked hair. It was her favorite scent of strawberry. "Then you rinse it out like so."

As she finished, she stopped him from taking a handful of the strawberry shampoo. "Um, Thane? I don't think you want to be smelling like a strawberry. . . It's not very, um, manly."

They both laughed loudly.

"I think I might have some Axe from when I let Lieutenant Cortez use my shower." She said, grabbing the other bottle from the lower shelf.

A mixture of jealousy and shock flared up in Thane. "You let him _shower _up here?"

"Oh, no, no, no." Shepard back petaled. "You don't understand, Lieutenant Cortez is. . . not interested in women."

His eyebrows mashed together in confusion. "What do you mean 'not interested'?"

"He used to have a husband."

Thane's cheeks and neck reddened like the color of the strawberry shampoo bottle. "Is that why he asked me to the lounge for drinks tonight? Siha, I only agreed because I thought he was just being friendly!"

Shepard was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. She dropped the shampoo bottle and keeled over against the tile of the shower. All the while Thane at first glowered at her, but then lightened up and then joined in the laughter.

"Oh Thane, I think he was being _really_ friendly."

"But this," He said between laughs, "is not funny! What am I supposed to do?"

She bent to grab the Axe shampoo bottle and proceeded to wash his hair for him. She had to stand on her tippy-toes to just reach. "If you feel uncomfortable, I'll just come with you."

"Thank you-" but he stopped mid sentence when she started to massage his scalp. "Oh, siha, that feels. . . wonderful."

She kissed him lightly on the lips. "Anything for you."

* * *

Thane observed the way Shepard analyzed information at the war terminal. The crease between her eyebrows would become more prominent as she concentrated. Occasionally, she would jut out her full lips, in ponderment, then nod to herself. He would give anything to peer into her mind at this very second.

There was a lot of weight on her shoulders right now. And from what he heard, she had already done what was said to be the impossible. He couldn't believe it when the crew were talking about Turian and Krogan alliances. And the genophage? Thane would have to ask her about that personally on their next shore leave.

"Siha, you look troubled." He said to her as he approached. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Her eyes looked upon his heavily, as if they carried the weight of a thousand galaxies. "I -no matter what I do Thane, there will always be lives lost. Maybe I need to try harder, maybe I -"

He shook his head and interrupted her. "Where there is life, there also comes sacrifices. It's what pushes us forward to the greater whole. It shapes us, changes us, sometimes for the good and the bad." Thane resisted the urge to touch her with the little privacy they had in the war room. "You are doing the impossible. What you have done no one else would have ever dreamed to accomplish. Don't doubt yourself for one moment, Jane."

Either it was the fierceness his voice, or the fact that he had called her by her first name, he did not know, but her eyes were wide with shock. "No one has called me by my first name in a long time."

"Maybe they should more often," he said, smiling at her. "It's beautiful, suits you well."

She shied away from him, and back to the terminal. "Get your gear on, Lieutenant," she whispered softly. "I need you by me on this next mission.


	6. Chapter 5

It was understandable to Thane that he would need a cover-up name, considering he was now a human, and that one of the Alliance crew members might have recognized him. Yet, it was strange to see his name on the Memorial Wall on the Normandy, with all the other fallen crew members. The feeling was an almost out-of-body experience, as if he were seeing something he shouldn't have.

Now, as he placed his N7 armor on in the shuttlebay, Lieutenant James Vega approached him. "Look at this fresh meat! Where were you stationed before you were recruited to the Normandy, Lieutenant Johnson?"

Thane did not need to lie. "Omega. Alliance special ops, I'm afraid it's classified."

Vega crossed his bulky arms. "Never trusted that branch of the Alliance, but if you're here now helping the Commander, well. . . then I trust you. Takes some guts to be here, Lieutenant."

"So I've heard. You suicide crash into another Cerberus shuttle to prevent some evil robot from taking the Crucible blueprints?" Thane clasped his hand on his shoulder. "Nice one, Vega."

He grinned ear to ear. "You like that? Well, there's more to come. You'll see."

The elevator door opened from the far side of the shuttlebay, and Thane turned to see Shepard with Tali'Zorah and Legion, all suited up and ready for the mission. "You two done making acquaintances?" She asked slyly. "We have a geth server to shut down."

Thane saluted to her, then took his place by her side. "Whenever you are, ma'am."

While his siha was unconscious within the geth server pod, Thane was a nervous wreck within; yet he kept his appearance completely composed. What if she could never resurface? What if some virus ruined her consciousness, and turned her into a mental vegetable? These questions ransacked his mind all the while he and Tali guarded Legion and Shepard.

Admiral Raan radioed in from the Migrant Fleet. "Hello? Commander are you there?"

Thane answered the radio. "No, this is Lieutenant Johnson, Admiral. What's your status?"

"The geth squadrons have arrived, but something is amiss - half their fighters have stopped functioning, but we will continue to hold off as long as we can."

He looked upon Tali, whose expression he could not see within her envirosuit, then to Shepard, whose body was unchanged from her stasis.

All his fears seemed foolish now. Thane should've known Jane Shepard had more willpower, strength, and determination than anyone in the galaxy.

He just hated waiting. Especially in a geth base full of disconnected geth Primes. If something was to put Thane on edge, that surely did.

"I'm glad the Commander is doing this," Tali said, looking around as well. "Being here on my homeworld, with the geth in control. . . makes me want to blow them all to hell and back."

His homeworld Rakhana had had the same fate, only under different circumstances. Overpopulation begun to deplete the already limited resources of the planet. Back then they had not yet achieved space travel. When the hanar arrived in their ships. . . well, there are many stories about the encounter, and the grief of leaving eleven billion behind to perish. He was one of the lucky few to have ancestors that were saved.

"Felt the same way with Earth," Thane said, continuing with his cover. "But the geth and the Reapers will get what's coming to them."

"And we'll be there with Shepard, at the front of the fleets."

Thane found that Tali was an interesting person to talk to. He listened to all the stories of Commander Shepard back from Eden Prime, where she discovered a Prothean beacon and had it transmit information into her mind. Or on Noveria, where she fought her way through rachni and geth to find Matriarch Benezia, Liara's indoctrinated mother, finding a way past the Mu Relay for intel of the conduit (from a thought to be extinct rachni queen). And if that wasn't enough, on Feros, the Commander took down a geth dreadnought - sent by Saren, no less - and came across a human colony being controlled by a Thorian, which was being studied by a corporation called ExoGeni. She killed that, too.

"Yet, no one can really believe that when we killed Saren, Sovereign had possessed him, brought him back to life. And when we took him down _again_, I hypothesized that the entity controlling him was Sovereign's very essence. That's why the Alliance fleet was able to take it down when the shields faltered."

It _was_ unclear in the reports of Sovereign's attack on the Citadel on how they managed to defeat it. Even though it was hard to believe, so was him returning to the living as a human. Sometimes the unexplainable happens, and it's whether they choose to accept it is completely up to them.

The radio comm channel raised as Admiral Raan patched through again. "Something's happening to the geth. The fighter squadrons have. . . stopped. We detect no more active programs inside their ships. Admiral Han'Gerrel's fleet is driving them back. The liveships are safe, Commander."

Not a moment after the comm channel went silent, Shepard's pod opened, making a hissing sound as the seal broke. She stumbled down, Thane grabbed her arm to steady her. "Commander, are you alright?"

"Did it work?" She asked, looking worn-out.

"Yes," Tali nodded, "geth fighters are disabled. The rest that were attacking the liveships have retreated."

Legion regained consciousness as well, and with him the geth Primes that were dormant in pods. Thane moved close beside Shepard, aiming his Avenger at the nearest Prime.

"Are you sure?" Shepard asked with a pistol raised. "What's happening?" She demanded fiercely when they became surrounded.

Legion looked like a dwarf geth compared to the others. "We have transferred the geth programs from the server into these platforms."

"Why?" Her voice was raised.

"They wish to join us."

Tali lowered her weapon. "They _what_?"

"While Shepard-Commander removed the Reaper infection, we judged we could persuade any hostile geth programs to reunite with ours," Legion explained. "We were correct. These geth have renounced the Old Machines and will oppose the Reapers. . . they are now us."

Shepard also proceeded to lower her weapon. "Just give me a heads up next time you decide to convert a platoon of geth. This whole mission could've gone wrong."

He followed his siha out of the base, with a dozen primes at his back. Thane was relieved to know she was okay, but at the same time nervous of their new allies.

* * *

A new message at her terminal deterred her away from the galaxy map. The title, _I'm sorry for your loss_, made her hand heavy as she opened the message.

_Commander Shepard,_

_It brings me great displeasure to inform you that Kolyat Krios passed away last night. He was sent directly to Huerta Memorial when a shootout occurred in the bank on the Presidium. From the reports, Kolyat died saving an innocent bystander. I had my best doctors working on him, Commander, but he had lost too much blood. _

_He asked me to tell you that your strength and courage had changed not only his life, but his father's as well. Kolyat wished for me to thank you, for everything you've done for the Krios family. _

_If you decide to have a memorial service for him, I can make the arrangements for you._

_Best Regards,_

_Dr. Michel_

Her heart felt as though it stopped beating; her vision began to have darkened blotches, threatening to black out. Thane needed to know, he needed time to grieve, but how was she supposed to tell him that his only son had passed away?

Shepard stumbled up the elevator, pressing level one on its interface. On the comm, she raised Thane. "I need to speak with you, it's urgent."

There was silence for a moment, she knew he could hear the strain in her voice. "I'll be right up."

Feeling feeble, she went over to her bed and sat upon it, not trusting her legs to hold her up. When the elevator door opened, Thane did not say anything until he took the spot next to her and held her hands that rested in her lap.

She looked upon him with eyes already damp with tears. "Thane, I-I . . . I'm so sorry," already her voice was getting choked up in her tightening throat. "Kolyat - he's gone. He . . . he passed away. I'm so sorry-,"

His expression was vacant, almost like he wasn't there. He no longer looked at her, but out into the distance, as if he could see something beyond the room. Then the tears fell fast and silent down his cheeks. "I should have gone to see him, but I was afraid, siha. I was afraid he wouldn't understand like you did-," the words cut off as he uttered horrible sobs.

No words of comfort came to her lips. All she felt the need to do was take him into her arms, and hold him against her, letting his head rest against her chest. His tears soon soaked her shirt as they wept together.

"Kolyat, forgive me," Thane whispered. "But I must condone the sins of those who took you from this world."


	7. Chapter 6

**I appreciate the kind reviews, scottusa1 and tamarah122. They have kept me motivated to continue writing - and honestly, this story has shaped itself without me knowing really where it was going. **

**I hope you enjoy. **

The next day, Shepard took Thane to the Memorial Wall on the Citadel. Every time she saw the wall, sadness encased her half-cybernetic heart. The faces of those who were lost seemed to almost stare into her; some were smiling, some had no expression, but one thing remained the same with all of them: they weren't saved. She felt overwhelmingly responsible for their untimely deaths.

Where there is life, also comes sacrifices.

There could be no truer statement. As she looked at those who were mourning their loved ones, whether it was recent or a while back, Shepard promised herself that she would not fail. She couldn't, not when she knew she could prevent more suffering.

Thane had agreed to let Dr. Michel frame a picture to put on the wall, even if it wasn't necessarily drell customs. And there, slightly in the center, hung the ordinate frame, lined with gold in the wood. It looked ancient, but somehow comforting. In the picture, Kolyat looked younger, and happier, smiling with his hand slightly raised, frozen in a forever wave. She watched him as he approached the wall to gently caress the wood of the frame. It reminded her vaguely of how he touched her. He then knelt to his knees, bowed his head, and clasped his hands together in a prayer.

Shepard always knew Thane was a religious man, yet he had always been subtle about it. Sometimes she would hear him pray to himself before a fight, and then after, to his polytheism religion. She wondered if he had become their angel, spreading hope and grace to those in need of it.

From the corner of her eye, Shepard saw a woman timidly progress toward the kneeling Thane. The black mourning dress accentuated her body, making her look beautiful in spite of the purpose. Her green eyes watched Thane with pity, sadness, and grief. "Excuse me, sir? Did you know him?"

His head lifted at her voice. "Yes, he was a. . . good friend."

"What was his name?"

"Kolyat, Kolyat Krios."

The woman looked down at the floor, her fingers twisting knots within each other. "Kolyat saved my life by rendering his own. . ." Emotion consumed her, causing her voice to lower. "I've come to pay my respects."

Thane stood and patted her shaking hands. "It wasn't in the cards for you to die that day, ma'am; you were given a second chance. Kolyat gave you that, and he knew at what price."

She nodded vivaciously, resulting in the stream of tears on her face to go askew. "I've always lived a mediocre life; not taking any chances, staying safe behind the lines. My education in engineering had been my greatest achievement, but when the war hit. . . I - I was frightened. I picked up a job at the bank because I didn't want to throw my life away." Her gaze moved toward the picture of Kolyat on the wall. "And you're right. When that robber held the gun up to me, my feeble life at the will of his finger on the trigger, I realized I'd been wasting my existence all along. Your friend was braver and more courageous than I'll ever be. He didn't even hesitate to shield me from the bullet. I'll make sure his sacrifice wasn't in vain. I'm going to go work on the Crucible, and hopefully I can help."

Shepard now approached the woman and embraced her in a hug. "You'll do more than help, you'll give inspiration and motivation. It's an honor to have met you."

The three of them communed for a while, all grievances gone for a blissful conversation. Then, Lauren had to go; she had to pack in order to catch a shuttle tomorrow, leaving Thane and Shepard to return to the Normandy in better moods. The service was very satisfying to Shepard, an almost perfect closure to something that seemed so catastrophic. She could only wish that Thane felt the same way.

* * *

_He watched as Kolyat ran with his small legs up to the window of the shuttle, his hands making smudges on the glass as he pressed his whole body against it. This was his first time being off Kahje, and Thane decided since his son was old enough, he'd take him to the Citadel. _

_In the distance, the enormous arms of the space station emerged through the nebular clouds. Kolyat gasped in excitement, bouncing up and down while doing so. _

_Thane kneeled next to him so his eyes were leveled with Kolyat's. "This is where all the species of the galaxy meet, my son. But there won't be a lot of our kind there."_

_His eyes turned to him, both sets of lids blinking quickly. "Turians are scary looking."_

_He chuckled at his son. "Don't worry, they only bite if you're bad."_

"_You're joking," Kolyat said sternly, and then in a more gentler voice, "And those asari. . . They're beautiful, aren't they?" _

"_Indeed."_

_Kolyat was quiet for a moment, returning his gaze onto the safehaven of the endless void of space. "Thank you, father." _

Thane awoke, gasping with sweat glistening against his skin. He could still hear his son's whisper, like a ghost haunting him. Gods forgive him for not being up there, with his son. He wondered what Kolyat would think, when he entered the afterlife without him.

He could only pray that Irikah would find him soon.

Silently, Thane got up from the bunk bed and dressed. The rest of the crew were fast asleep, with the occasional snore or creak of a mattress. It reassured him to know he had not woken anyone.

With, of course, the exception for the person he was about to venture to. The only person he could think of to give him comfort at a time like this.

The Normandy was eerily quiet as they drifted through space. It was an astonishing ship, the way it moved so stealthily and quietly, like the way he did right before a kill-

No, he shook his head at the thought of it. I am not that man anymore.

When he exited the elevator, Thane paused at Jane's door, straining to hear within the walls of her cabin. He knocked softly after not hearing anything.

She was in her night gown, but her fiery hair was not tussled from sleeping. It was still straight and hung just below her chin from today. Yet, he could tell she was tired. The circles beneath her eyes looked as dark as bruises. In her hand was a datapad she'd been examining.

"Can't sleep?" He said.

She shook her head, and waved him in. He followed her to the couch and saw dozens of datapads strewn on the table. No sleep at all.

"The faces of the memorial wall are there whenever I close my eyes," She said quietly, tossing her datapad on the couch and taking a seat next to it. She rubbed her eyes wearily. "It's like they're burned into my brain - I couldn't save them, Thane."

He hesitated for a moment before sitting next to her. "Would I have expected you to foresee that bank robbery and stop the man that killed my son? No. You are just one woman. One woman that is beautiful, strong, passionate, and loving, but you cannot play god. Death is a part of life; we accept this and move on. And believe me - I know, the moving on is the hardest."

Her fingers found her way to his face, tracing over every inch from his cheekbone to his lips. They lingered there, almost as if in remembrance of where they have been. "We've both died too many times for any one person," she murmured.

He gently grabbed her hand still touching his face and brought it to his chest, letting her feel the life beating inside him. "Our strength persists even beyond the grave."

And then, like magnets, they pressed against each other, kissing fiercely. She let him explore the depths of her mouth with his tongue, only breaking apart to fervently strip their clothing.

They melded in the pleasure of one another, but deep behind the thick layer of sensual touch was the hurt they both felt. She was right: they had died, re-lived, and seen things that would have broken any normal individual. But right now, it didn't matter. All he had was his siha, and he clung to her like life itself. She was now the only thing in this world that he would fight for right until the very end.

After they had made love, Thane scooped her up in his arms and placed her on the bed.

"Stay with me tonight," she whispered to him, in that soft tone he faintly remembered from that place beyond the sea. The words spoke deep within him, piercing his outer human shell to the very essence of him.

He wrapped his arms around her, their skin meeting again, but this time it was comforting instead of arousing. "This night, and every night, my siha. Until the end of time."

* * *

A Reaper. Of all the luck in the galaxy, the Reaper base was an actual Reaper. "Amonkira, Lord of Hunters," he mouthed to himself. "I pray that you grant us swiftness and cunning. Goddess Arashu of Motherhood and Protection, I pray that you keep my siha safe."

The turret on the geth speeder relentlessly poured out ammunition at the Reaper pursuing them, with Shepard quickly reloading it with skill. Although, from what Thane could tell, it hadn't really done much to it.

That was, until the Migrant fleet sent another orbital strike to pummel its hull. It collapsed upon the rock formations of Rannoch, creating plumes of dust.

"What did we hit?" Admiral Gerrel radioed in, his voice slightly choppy.

Shepard took a moment to examine it from her vantage point. "The firing chamber. Looks like a weak point when it's priming."

Gerrel's voice was irritated and afraid. "Jamming towers are having us targeting manually, we can't make a precision shot!"

"We may escape before it recovers," Legion suggested.

"No. Pull over." She said fiercely.

Thane forcefully shot up from his seat in the speeder and grabbed her arm tightly before she jumped off. "What are you doing?" He demanded. "Don't try and be a hero, Jane. We have to leave."

Her head snapped back at him, her fiery hair whipping around her face. Her eyes were as bright and piercing as Rannoch's sun. "If we run away, the geth stay under Reaper control and the quarians are dead," she retorted, almost coldly. "This ends now."

"I-I understand," he said, loosening his grip on her arm, and as he did so, a part of him wilted away. "I love you."

Yet she was already too far away to hear him, with targeting laser held in her hands - almost like an extension of her arm. _Goddess Arashu, guide this one. Shield her from the evils that wish her undoing. I cannot bear to lose her. My siha, my salvation._

He closed his eyes and let himself dive into the pool of his memories.

_Thane had never seen her in such nice apparel. It was the first time he'd seen her in a dress, for that matter. Such pity she always wore military uniforms; her body filled the little black dress in such a way it made his skin hot with desire. _

"_I'm glad we're finally able to do this, _Lieutenant Johnson_," she teased, taking a seat beside him at Apollo's Cafe._

_Even in the Presidium's artificial sunlight, her hair shone glossily, fiery and mesmerizing. For once, her eyes were not burdened with her responsibilities. They were full of happiness, amusement, and green as the tropical plants of a desert oasis. _

"_I believe on our shore leave we're allowed to skip the formalities, _Jane_," he shot back at her with a grin. _

_Her eyebrows raised in amusement as she examined the menu. "So, is this like a date, then? If so, you're buying - they've jacked up the prices since the last time I've been here."_

"_A 'date'?"_

"_Yeah, you know-" she started, but stopped when she realized he really didn't know. "Oh, I guess drell had different ways of . . . bonding with women." _

_He tucked away a stray hair behind her ear, then sweeping a caress across her cheek. "Marriages are mostly arranged since we created the Compact with hanar society. Whichever matched suited and profited the hanar most was an honor to the drell." She watched him with curiosity, yet the subject was not one he wished to speak of. "But that is rather dull in comparison to human customs. So much freedom and decisions to make with choosing a partner. How is it that I am so lucky to be matched with you?"_

"_Call it what you will," she said in a whimsical, joking matter. "Fate, destiny."_

"_How about: 'it was just meant to be'?" _

"_Hm," she gazed upon him with such an intense stare, it felt as if she could see right through him. "I like that."_

_The menus and were a last thought as they kissed slowly, passionately, until they were the last ones at the small cafe_


	8. Chapter 7

**I would like to thank all my avid readers for their patience with this chapter. I've been very busy, but I hope to get this story wrapped up soon! **

**P.S. I know there's been some interest of how Thane feels about Irikah, so hopefully this clears some of it up. **

"Lieutenant?" Someone said through the void after the memory had faded. _No, please,_ he thought, trying to grasp back the sweet reminiscence. It felt so real. . . he could taste his lips on hers. Thane tried to plunge back into the memory, but reality was finally sinking in. He wearily opened his eyes to see Tali exiting the speeder.

"Shepard's done it!" She shouted, leaping out with finesse.

What? Had he heard correctly? His vision was still blurry as he peered out of the craft, seeing Legion ahead of Tali, both walking toward Shepard. The Reaper had fallen, but from where he could see, she looked angry with it. Her mouth moved but he could not distinguish the words.

He breathed out heavily. _Thank you Goddess Arashu, for keeping her safe. _

* * *

Shepard felt the stinging in her eyes as she had watched Legion fall; the ultimate sacrifice to give the geth independence. Even synthetic life knows the meaning to give up something so important. It gave her a new perspective, and an open mind toward the geth. Maybe they weren't at all what they seemed; they needed to be given a chance.

Another crew member, gone. How many more will there be until this war is over? She didn't want to know. It gave her too much grief. On the other hand, she was relieved to have both the geth and Quarian fleets for the effort.

Emotions swirled her head like a multi-colored fog. Suddenly, she felt weak and fragile. The red, blazing light of the Reaper's beam, threatening to take her life, seared her mind. She decided she'd take a nap; she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept soundly.

Shepard slowly made her way up to her cabin, not even bothering to take off her clothes. As soon as her head hit the softness of her pillow, her world fell into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

_ "_Had to be me_," The whispers rang through the eerie trees. "_Someone might have gotten it wrong_."_

_A child, fumbling with something on the ground, turned to look at her before he ran off into the forest. She chased after him, the voices following and scaring her. _

_"_It's alright, Commander. I understand. Go save Ashley_."_

_Her breath had gotten on the verge of hyperventilation. She watched as her hand reached out for the child. _

_"_The prayer wasn't for my father. It was for you_."_

_She couldn't run fast enough. The child stood before her, looking calmly into her own frightened eyes. He caught on fire, but he did not scream, did not move. He was bright like a sun in the void of space within the dark forest. Shepard stood there, frozen in horror long after the child was consumed by the flames. Then, the darkness pressed against her as they burnt out completely. And she was utterly alone in the forest of the fallen soldiers, friends, and crew. _

Gasping, Shepard woke up to groggily find Thane wiping her forehead with a damp wash cloth. "Shhh," he urged her. "You were having a nightmare."

It took her a moment to absorb her surroundings, yet the whispers were still there, at the nape of her neck. They crawled up and down her spine, making her shiver and blink away the tears threatening to overflow.

"Why are you here?" She asked him simply, waving his damp towel away, and sat up so her back faced him. Shepard did not want him to see her this way, frightened so like a child. _The child._ Would she ever stop dreaming of him?

"I'm here because I care," he replied, just as simply. She guessed she asked for it.

"You don't have to babysit me," she said, a little too seethingly than she'd expected.

Thane was silent for a moment, the air between them was heavy. "Was there something I did, siha? What did I do to anger you so?" His voice was genuinely hurt, and now Shepard felt even worse than before knowing she was hateful to the person she'd become to love so much. He was only trying to lend a hand and guide her through this black hole.

She turned toward him, letting her head fall in shame. "No, Thane. You've done nothing wrong; you have been so amazing. It's me that's completely wrong."

"Wrong?" He echoed. "Shepard, the Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, the hero of the galaxy, says she's _wrong_?" His head shook, almost too comically fast. "What is happening to the universe?"

Shepard couldn't help but quietly laugh at him, and his face relaxed into a smile so beautiful, it melted her insides. And to think: how would she have survived without him if he hadn't come back? It was too painful of a thought.

"You are absolutely radiant when you are happy, siha." He said, the smile fading. "It's such a shame we are in a time where there is so little happiness."

"Someday, there will be again." She said without a doubt. "When we win this war."

His eyebrow raised in speculation. "You're so sure?"

"I have to be."

_Had to be me,_ Mordin's voice returned. _Someone else might have gotten it wrong._

* * *

_ Thane did not necessarily want to go into the bar; he was not fond of blaring music and asari strippers. But Shepard had insisted he needed to unwind and have a drink. He shrugged and joined her, it would beat having Garrus win all his money at cards._

_When they entered, it was dark, with fluorescent lights pulsating to the rhythm of the songs. Turians, humans, and asari all in one place - "partying" is what James described it as. Thane guessed it was a way to forget the undesirable things occurring within the galactic community. And of late, Thane grew accustomed to these distractions instead of meditating to himself. He blamed his new human body. _

_Shepard lead him to the bar, holding his hand. He assumed their private relationship had become more public. He could hear James' whistle over the music; he was leaning against the bar, watching them approach. _

_"Look at this! The Commander and the new Lieutenant. Ah, _el amor_." He sighed, placing his hand dramatically on his forehead. "I'll buy you guys a round of drinks, on me."_

_"Oh thanks, Vega," Shepard said in a joking manner. "But we don't want your charity."_

_James moved his hand to his heart. "Commander, you hurt me. Fine, be all stuffy and buy your own damn drinks."_

_"Will do," she said, already knocking back a shot.  
_

_Shepard handed him a small glass, but Thane didn't want to be impaired by alcohol. It made him nervous. "No, I don't sit well with. . . well, whatever's in there."_

_"Oh come on, Brandon," she said with a wink. "One won't kill you."_

_"I suppose," he said, taking the dainty little glass and swallowed the spicy liquid down in one gulp. It took everything he had not to bring it back up. He guessed it was apparent on his face, because she didn't offer any more to him._

_His head was already fogged, everything seemed to look like some haze. Eventually Thane, Shepard and Vega moved to the lower bar, talking of the places they'd go when Earth was taken back. _

_They ordered more drinks, and he had surprised Shepard by drinking a few more. Drell never drank alcohol, it was believed that it tainted the body and the spirit, rendering it incapable of performing their duties. Which, he supposed was right. Maybe it was his human ambitions, but Thane wanted to try everything. _

_He stood, wobbling slightly as he did so. "Shepard, I think we're due for a dance."_

_She shook her head. "I don't think I've told you, but I can't dance."_

_"Oh come on," he hiccuped. "I don't even know how to, but we're going."_

_This time, it was him that lead her to the dance floor. She looked around nervously at those who surrounded them. They were all moving in-step to the beat of the music. _

_"You can shoot a target from a mile away, dodge an incoming missile, and take down a Reaper, but you can't _dance_?" He asked her._

_She shrugged. "It just doesn't come to me."_

_"Just, follow what these people are doing," he encouraged, already mimicking a Turian who was flailing his arms about._

_And she was right, her dancing was terrible. But as he watched her, Thane couldn't see any other being in this entire universe as beautiful as his siha was. _

* * *

Thane opened his eyes to the present reality, only to see his Irikah sitting across the table in the Life Support room.

"Reminiscing, I see," she said coldly, her eyes cunning and calculating.

"Irikah?" He reached across the table to touch her, but his hand went right through her face as if she were an apparition.

She stood, her slender figure swaying lightly as she walked to the showcase on the wall. "You left us, Thane. I waited for you."

He was frozen, all he could do was watch her. Her blue skin that he'd loved so much, or the curve in her lips he'd kissed over and over no longer held the magic that they used to. "It wasn't my fate to join you, Irikah. I wish you would see that."

She scoffed resentfully. "But I see you have already taken your place. Your heart no longer belongs to me."

His fists clenched together. "I would have understood if it were you instead of me. It was my fault your soul was taken into the afterlife. Before, my life was so full of hate and sorrow, I had no purpose other than to sulk and wait for my soul to leave my body.

"But then I met her, my siha, and she revived me. Gave me a mission, a goal, but I had died before it was sought through." He lowered his tone, almost to a whisper. "The gods knew this, Irikah. They gave me a second life."

"And what of your old life?" she demanded. "What of me and your son? Or do we no longer hold the importance we once had to you?"

He closed his eyes. "I will never forget you. But I must move on, and look to my future that I was given. Forgive me, Irikah."

His eyes re-opened to look upon her again, but she was gone.


	9. Chapter 8

**I am so sorry this chapter took so long, but on the bright side, my vacation in California was great! **

**The best part about writing this one was Joker. He's just so funny :) Hope you enjoy! **

"All comms with Thessia have been cut off Commander," Joker said to Shepard from the pilot chair, his hands moving quickly over the holographic interface. "Looks like we're going into the dark."

She squeezed the headrest of the chair tightly. "Proceed with the landing, this mission is too important to pass up."

Joker was quiet for a moment, then finally descended into the Thessia atmosphere. "Aye, aye ma'am."

Liara was behind her when Shepard turned around, her eyes full of fear and tears. "I'm going with you, that's my home down there."

Her head was in mid-nod when Thane appeared, walking briskly past the galaxy map to the bridge. All of his muscles were tight, his mouth a straight line. "Commander, I'm going even if I have to force you to bring me."

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "Lieutenant, please don't do this right now. You know I have to take Liara, and EDI has instant access to the Normandy's resources."

Joker whipped around in his chair. "You're taking EDI down there? Shit, Shepard, you could of at least told me beforehand."

"Your personal matters don't concern me, Joker," she retorted coldly. "Just fly the damn ship."

He threw his hands up in defeat and turned back to the controls. "Who pissed in her coffee this morning?" She could make out under his breath, but ignored it. There were more pressing concerns.

"You're right, Commander," Thane said, backing away towards the elevator. "It's your mission, your decision. I'm not the one to question your authority."

Liara grabbed his arm quickly. "I'll make sure she's safe, Lieutenant."

He nodded to her before continuing into the doors, his shoulders visibly taunt under his thin shirt. Shepard almost regretted her mistake; with Thane she felt the safest. But she could not be selfish and drag him along with every life-threatening mission. Shepard only brought EDI because she feared losing Thane, even if it broke her heart to do so.

"Gear up, you two," she said with no emotion. She was a perfect hard shell on the outside, but a river of emotions within. "We leave in five."

* * *

Thane punched the wall of the Life Support room. He wasn't angry at Shepard for doing what she did, he was frustrated at himself. Their relationship wasn't appropriate in this chaotic time. It distracted her from the task at hand, and it was all his fault. It was a mistake to come back to her. If it was a choice between saving the galaxy or saving him, Thane was unsure which she would choose.

He settled down in the chair, hugging his now swollen hand. When he closed his eyes, Thane was somewhere else, far away from his insignificant place on the Normandy. The brightness was almost uncomfortable, blinding him. He squinted through the fog to see a familiar figure.

"Kolyat?" Thane asked, walking toward him. His son turned around, with a smile that resurfaced many pleasant memories.

"Father," he said, opening his arms and enveloping him in a warm embrace. "I can't tell you how good it is to see you."

Thane's arms squeezed him tightly, afraid that if he let go, his son would disappear like a vapor. "I'm so sorry, Kolyat; for many things," he whispered, close to his ear. He could not raise his voice any louder, for his throat was so constricted with emotion.

"There is no need to apologize, Father. You have nothing to be sorry for."

He released his son only slightly to look upon his face. His eyes were attentive and bright, just as they always have been. There was no sorrow or grief in his features, only blissful happiness and content. At the pit of Thane's stomach grew a knot, that his son had become a better man than Thane could ever be, but he had died because of it. "Yes, there is much I need to atone for. I was not the father I should have been. I - I was not there for you and Mother. I left you when you needed me most."

* * *

On the monitor was several video feeds from different aerial views of Thessia. Liara remained glued to them, her head slightly lowered in defeat. Shepard knew exactly what she was going through. Leaving Earth that day. . . it was so hard for her. She wanted to stand next to Anderson and fight for her home, fight for her fellow comrades.

"Is this what Earth was like?" Liara asked quietly.

Shepard hesitated, but proceeded to place a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, it was."

Liara turned to reveal her large, blue eyes slightly filled with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"We'll take it back," She said confidently, "I'm not giving up just yet."

* * *

Kolyat shook his head, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "You did what you had to, and besides, why fret over the past when there is a future to look forward to? Mother and I - we forgive you. We always have, and we understand why you needed to leave."

He wished he could believe his son. That everything was as it should be, with all past griefs forgotten. But Thane still felt guilty for his actions, for his neglect. "Both you and your mother didn't deserve what I did to you, and I know you two have forgiven me, but I still need to forgive myself. I don't know how I will do it, knowing what has happened."

* * *

"Indroctrinated presence detected, activating security protocall." The prothean VI announced, returning into its spherical shape once more.

The light of an air ship blinded Shepard at first, but then after squinting and sheilding her eyes, she made out a familiar figure. Her fists and teeth clenched as soon as she recognized him. Kai Leng.

"You," she said coldly, raising her pistol so the bastard was down the barrel of it. "You killed the scientists and Thane. What do you want?"

"Your attention," he said simply with a smirk, raising a small orb that floated toward them. "Someone would like to talk with you." From the sphere, a holographic projection of the Illusive Man appeared. It was as clear as day, as if the son-of-a-bitch were standing right in front of her.

"Shepard."

She returned her gun back to her holster. "How did you find this place?"

"The archives," he said, turning toward Liara who still had her pistol raised. "Or did your shadow broker miss that one?"

"Show yourself," Liara retorted, "I promise I won't miss."

The hologram advanced toward Shepard, passing right through her, making Shepard feel sick. "Stick to your talents, Dr. T'soni. You've helped uncover the key to subjugating the Reapers." His projected hand lifted to virtually feel the sphere of the prothean VI.

"Or destroying."

"_Damnit_ Shepard," The Illusive Man cursed, quickly turning back to face her. "Destroying the Reapers gains us nothing."

Her eyes followed him as he paced. "How about peace?"

"They're just trying to control us. Think about it. If they wanted all organic life destroyed they could do it." His arms gestured, emphizing his words. "There would be nothing left."

He was slipping, it was painly obvious. "They're just dragging you over to their side, their way of thinking. You've been spending too much time with the enemy."

"No - I just. . . see things differently."

Anger fueled her until there was a red haze within her vision. "You've forgotten everything you've stood for. Cerberus was supposed to be humanity's sword, not a dagger in our back."

His half grin only added gasoline to the flames. "Poetic, but as usual, you miss the point. The world is more grey than you'd care to admit."

"With the prothean data in this beacon, I can end this conflict. Once and for all." The ultimatum was strangely satisfying to force upon him. "You're either with me or against me. There's nothing grey about that."

"No, I suppose there isn't," he said, walking away. "Leng, the Commander has something I need. Please relieve her of it, and then bring me the data."

The hologram dissapeared as Leng grabbed it from middair. "Understood."

* * *

Kolyat blinked fiercely against the welling of tears. "I remember you telling me that no matter how hard things get, never to give up. Perservere through the pain, endure the unpleasant times, and soon the storm will pass." His hand squeezed his shoulder. "Yours will pass, and soon you'll find the path to forgiveness, and eventually happiness."

Thane could find no words as wise as the ones his son had spoke. The only ones that came to his lips were "I love you, Kolyat."

"I love you as well, my father, goodbye."

His son faded before his voice did. After a few quiet moments, Thane found himself opening his eyes back on the Normandy. The anger fueling inside him had evaporated, leaving a calm and tranquil feeling.

* * *

"You'll pay for what you did," Shepard yelled, unloading her whole thermal clip onto his shields, then overloaded him before she replaced the clip.

The gunship returned, relentlessly pouring out ammo while the coward recharged within the safety of its blinding light. She would defeat him, here and now for what he put her through. What he did to Thane and the Citadel.

His flips and agilness was infuriating as she tried to get a good shot on him. Just as he was in her scope, he threw down his sword and sprinted toward Liara. "There's only one way this ends."

Leng hit away her pistol and easily lifted her into the air, causing her to crash right into EDI. Thinking on her feet, Shepard leaped over a counter and kneeled to lay precise shots on him. But he was quicker than she, and had already placed a biotic barrier to protect himself. With his other free hand, he called in the airship once more.

Backing away, Shepard could feel the air of the missile as she ducked into cover. The structure of the temple was collapsing under the impact, causing a column to fall in her path. She dove out of the way, barely scathing by. The ground underneath her started to give in, craking a faulting under her weight. Quickly returning to her feet, she ran and jumped onto the nearest stable object she could reach, but that too was also falling to the cave-in.

From the distance, she could hear his volitile voice. "Cerberus thanks you for all your hard work."

It took all her strength to sustain her grip on the piece of rubble. She finally managed to place her feet on a sturdy part and climb the way back up. Below her was what seemed to be an endless depth of the underbelly of the prothean beacon.

When she finally reached the top and halfway pulled herself up, Leng was already making his way toward the airship.

But the rubble below her finally gave in. She clung onto the ridge with everything she had, yet her hand was slipping. In that moment, all the happiness and love she'd experienced with Thane boiled to the surface. All of the tender and blissful touches, the long nights in her cabin, watching the endless void of space above them. It was calming, and she accepted - maybe even welcomed - her death.

"Shepard!" Liara's voice called out, and her hands gripped her tightly. "Hold on!"

Instinct finally kicked in, and Shepard frantically grasped onto Liara. Using the momentum Liara gave her, she launched onto her feet and grabbed the nearest gun without even giving a second thought.

As she ran toward the fleeting gunship, she unloaded the thermal clip onto its hull, but it was futile. The slippery bastard had escaped again, and she failed.

Around her, Thessia was collapsing. Reapers kept pouring in from orbit and it felt like it was entirely her fault. The weight of the asari homeworld rested upon her shoulders and she had let it down. Countless dead, and more to come. When would it stop?


	10. Chapter 9

**Thank you Lin, OhSoDeadly and scottusa1. Your reviews and eagerness for more chapters are refreshing and awesome. I love getting feedback from you guys!**

**I apologize for this chapter being kind of short, I'm working on another big chapter coming up and this is sort of just a transition. Still, hope you enjoy! :)**

The orange pinging light in the comm room felt like an omen to Shepard. She watched it flash on and off as she leaned against the wall. The taste of defeat was nauseating. The last thing she wanted was to admit her failure to someone who had given her the opportunity. But Shepard mustered up her strength and answered the call.

Placing her weight on the interface, she waited for the connection to establish. "Commander Shepard, are you there?" the councilor said, her appearance buffering. "Commander!"

Not knowing exactly what to say, she hesitated. "Councilor. . . the mission -"

"We've lost all contact with Thessia," the councilor said through the static. "How soon will the Crucible be ready to deploy?"

That name was like a hot iron to her back, reminding her of how severe her failure was. "Councilor, I wish the news was better." She had to force the words from her reluctant lips. "We didn't get the information."

The projection stepped forward in frustration and confusion. "What happened?"

She gritted her teeth. "Cerberus was there. We were-," the visions of Kai Leng smirking with victory was too overwhelming. "We were defeated. We don't know how to finish the Crucible."

The asari councilor had placed her index finger and thumb on the bridge of her nose. They both remained silent for a moment, letting the horrible information sink in. It felt as though Shepard was breaking from the inside out. Never had she felt this weak or defeated.

"I - don't know what to say," she admitted, then looked back up again at Shepard. "What was the situation on Thessia?"

Feeling like a robot with no more emotion left, she answered the asari. "Deteriorating fast. The Reapers are there in full strength."

"Then you'll excuse me," The councilor said, looking feeble. "There are. . . preparations to make. Continuity of civilization to consider. I never thought this day would come."

Her fingers gripped the bar tightly. "None of us did. I'm-" But before she could finish, the connection was lost. "sorry."

With one foot in front of the other, Shepard made her way down the steps into the war room where most of her team had already begun to gather. On the far side of the terminal she could see Thane, his gaze intent on her every movement.

EDI walked up to her. "Asari forces are in full retreat. It is no longer safe to remain in this system." "Get us out of here," she commanded to her.

Liara's head was bowed in the same defeat that she felt. "Shepard. . . I -," she stood tall again, slowly shaking her head. "Nobody could have predicted Cerberus would reach Thessia before us."

"It's my job to be prepared," she said, staring blankly at Liara's back. "No matter what."

Shepard returned to the terminal where a projection of Thessia was tracking real-time movements of the Reapers. "And now Thessia is lost, as is the data on the Catalyst." The frustration exploded within her once more. "I'm sick of Cerberus always beating us to the punch."

"Let's kick them in the balls first for a change," Vega suggested bluntly.

She turned the sickening hologram off. "I'm with James. Anyone know where they're hiding?" When the silence persisted, she asked again. "Anyone?"

EDI and Traynor exchanged what seemed to be a nervous glance. "Um, well," Samantha said while rubbing her hands together. "There is something."

"Let's hear it, Traynor."

She moved to the terminal. "I was able to track Kai Leng's shuttle through the relay and extrapolate his destination." Shepard watched as the white dot moved through the Milky Way's mass relays. "But the signal disappeared in the Iera System."

She watched the blinking red light with a seething glare. "Naturally." "It's not just gone, though." Traynor added. "The signal is being actively blocked."

"How?"

Traynor placed a hand to her chin in thought. "I'm not sure. But something is interfering with all signal activity in that region of space."

EDI turned from Traynor to Shepard. "Commander, the Iera system is home to Sanctuary and little else. Sanctuary is a supposed safe haven for war refugees."

Shepard hated the slim lead they had, but she supposed it was better than nothing. "Do you think it's worth checking out, Traynor?"

"Yes ma'am, I do."

Before she left the war room, Shepard paused to say what she'd been trying to repeat to herself in encouragement. "We've come too far to let Cerberus stop us. I want that prothean data, I want the Catalyst. No excuses. Dismissed."

Everyone filed out of the war room except for Thane. He remained, leaning against the war terminal with his arms crossed. "Was it because of me, Shepard?" He asked, looking down at his shoes. "Did he win because of me?"

Shepard left the terminal and started toward the security check-in. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't pretend like you don't know, Shepard." He said, following her through the body scan and into the elevator. "I realized you left me behind to keep me safe, but I don't need you taking care of me."

She pointed a finger into his face. "I don't require your protection either, Thane. I've done just fine before you came along." He slumped against the wall of the elevator and the fight in him had evaporated. "You're right, you were better off without me. Now I'm just some dangerous distraction."

"That's not what I meant, Thane." Shepard said quietly, lowering her hand.

His blue eyes met her own, and she saw within them wisdom and love from two lifetimes. "But it's true. Right now, what you need is a clear head."

"No," she said, shaking her head vivaciously. "What I need is you."

Without really thinking, Shepard quickly closed the space between them and crushed her lips on his. His fingers tangled in her hair, pressing her closer to his own muscular body. When he pulled away to breathe, Thane rested his forehead against hers contently. "I was so worried, siha. Someday, I'll put that coward Kai Leng in his place, and then the Reapers. I'll do anything to make us safe again."

"Shh," she told him, silencing him with her lips. This brief time together was too pure and special to taint it with those kinds of thoughts. In this dark area of her life, right at this very moment, she had finally found the light again.


	11. Chapter 10

**I am so so so sorry that this chapter took so long. School and swim practice has me swamped, but I promised myself I'd give you the Sanctuary part, and here it is! I thought Thane was so cute when I was writing this :,) **

**As always, I hope you enjoy! **

Thane stood in the full length mirror and studied his facial and body features. Never had he really stopped to look at himself. His reflection still seemed unnatural, despite becoming used to his human form. Some features were similar to when he was a drell, like his straight nose and full lips; but he had soft, fleshy skin instead of it being green and scaly.

And the muscles. This body was a lot stronger and has a bigger built than before. Yet, Thane adapted, and it became easier to move fluidly and silently like he used to. Placing the N7 armor on his chest and legs, Thane caught in the mirror Jane's reflection approaching. She had already geared up, looking like a goddess of war. It stunned Thane everytime to know that this beautiful, strong, and incredible being was _his_.

He turned to face her, watching as her lips created a smile that resulted in the sensation of his heart wrenching from his chest.

"Looking good," she said as she ran her fingers over his breastplate with affection.

His hands caught hers and intertwined their fingers. "You're not so bad yourself." She was silent for a moment, and after a while, he asked "what's wrong?"

Her head was bowed so she looked upon her boots. "I'm just. . . scared, Thane. I don't want to lose again. Lose to _him_."

"Hey," he murmured, gently forcing her gaze to meet his own. "It's going to be alright. We'll do this together, an unstoppable force of nature."

The delicious grin that he loved so much returned to her face as he held her tight against him, causing their armor to clink together. "Forever."

* * *

"What do we know, Shepard?" Thane asked as he gripped onto the handle in the shuttle.

She was watching the video feeds of Sanctuary with an intense stare. "EDI?"

Her cybernetic female voice transmitted over the intercom. "The Sanctuary facility was devoted to aiding refugees from Reaper controlled systems. The facility went offline recently and no communications have come and gone since. It is unclear why Kai Leng or Cerberus would be interested in Sanctuary."

Shepard grabbed the handle as well when the shuttle experienced slight turbulence, her hand lightly touching his own. "If there's anything linking this place to Cerberus, we find it. No exceptions."

From the cockpit, Lieutenant Cortez shifted in his seat. "Sir, I'm picking up a signal from the facility. It's weak - I'll try to boost it." Thane watched Shepard move to the back of the pilot's chair. He could barely hear the message from where he stood.

"_This is Oriana Lawson. Stay away from Sanctuary. It's not what it seems. Please, you must listen to me. They're using_-," then the signal was suddenly cut off.

"Oriana?" Shepard asked, mostly to herself. "That's Miranda's sister. If she's here Miranda can't be far away."

"That's our link to Cerberus," EDI added.

The Lieutenant's hands moved quickly over the holographic dash. "Approaching the LZ. Seeing some damage, Commander, but no activity."

The side door opened. "I will not let Cerberus get the jump on us this time," she swore, leaping out before the shuttle touched down.

They navigated through all the debris, with guns reloaded and ready. Thane examined the area through his scope, when unexpectedly a Cerberus shuttle flew in at an incredible rate, completely out of control, and crashed into the building ahead of them.

"Shepard, watch out!" He said, pulling her to cover next to him. A phantom escaped the wreckage first, and Thane was able to place a headshot before she dodged any assaults. Shepard threw a singularity, allowing the team to easily pick off the ones shielded by cover.

When the coast was clear, they pressed on through the main entrance into Sanctuary. The lobby was completely destroyed; small fires were burning, datapads and desks overturned and scattered everywhere, and some infrastructure of the building lay in rubble on the floor. Over the speakers, a woman's voice was still transmitting instructions in an eerily sort of way.

"Looks like they were in the middle of an evacuation when the Reapers attacked," Garrus guessed, examining the damage.

"About time they started fighting each other." Shepard said rather darkly.

On the far side of the reception area was an exit to an unlit room. Thane followed Shepard closely as they approached a terminal whose signal was jammed. She was able to clear it up, and the message went through. "This is Miranda Lawson. If you've managed to get this far, you must be desperate or stupid." Pictures of Sanctuary appeared on the screen like a slideshow as she spoke.

"_Listen to me, this is not a refugee camp. This is a Cerberus facility run by my father, Henry Lawson. Turn back now. There is no help to be found here. All communications are being blocked from the central tower. Sanctuary is a lie. Stay away_." The message cut out, and Shepard walked away from the terminal, out into what looked like a garden plaza with pools of water.

Next to the water was a control station, for water pressure Thane guessed.

"A security panel," Shepard said, typing in a hacking code. "Shutting it down."

The ground shook slightly as the water levels began to secede. "What's happening?" Thane asked, moving close to Shepard protectively.

Large, industrial pipes began to show as the water was drained away. "They were trying to hide something." She said, stepping around Thane. "We have a back door into the facility." She drew her gun before taking the latter down into the pit.

* * *

Shepard watched with an unfathomable hatred and disgust the vids of innocent refugees being experimented on. "They're being turned into husks."

A horrible and sickening feeling ran up the length of her spine and raised the hair on her neck. She walked down the steps of the control center to a console next to a glass wall for observation. She pressed the lights button, revealing husks confined within the labs, retreating from the sudden exposure to the light.

When they all appeared to be gone, a husk had suddenly flung itself at the glass, creating a loud thud that startled her. Thane had shielded her from it in less than seconds, with his gun raised at the pitiful and ugly creature. But it continued climbing up the glass until she couldn't see it anymore.

"Come on," he urged, pulling her through to the next room.

"I don't get it," Garrus said as he followed them. "Who would go through all this just to create husks? What is the Illusive Man playing at?"

"The Reapers attacked because this place was a threat," Shepard said, now looking upon Thane with determination. "We need to find out why."

* * *

He didn't like the feeling that this facility gave him. The experiments that were going on unnoticed were sinister and horrible; Thane couldn't imagine a sane person with morality to do such a thing to an innocent refugee. Perhaps now he understood why Miranda was so hateful towards her father.

Shepard played the logs as they advanced through the research rooms, and Thane listened to Henry's voice. He was extremely well educated, but it troubled him about the motives this man had. Controlling husks without Reaper intervention? It seemed impossible.

"_But we are making progress._"

After the log ended, from down the hall he could unmistakably hear the ear-splitting screech of a banshee, and ducked into cover next to Shepard, who already had been targeting at a Ravager and broke open one of its sacs.

"Looks like leftover troops from the attack," She yelled out as she glowed with biotic power before she launched a pull, finishing off the Ravager.

"_MOVE_," Thane commanded, and pushed Shepard out of the way of a biotic charging Banshee, using Overload immediately after to bring down its barriers. It screamed again, which caused Thane to stumble backwards onto the floor.

He released his entire thermal clip onto its jaw, but the creature was still alive. Thane could smell the stench of rotten flesh as it leaned in close with its elongated and sharp fingers, ready to impale him.

Before he closed his eyes with acceptance of his inevitable death, a flash of orange focused his attention. It was Shepard with her omni-blade, repeatedly stabbing the Banshee until it slowly disintegrated into ash.

After a moment of utter silence, she stood up straight and brushed back her red hair that had stuck to the sweat on her face. Her eyes caught Thane in an almost angry gaze. "Don't ever scare me like that again, Lieutenant."

But then, her glare softened and she extended her armored hand out to him.

He took it, and she pulled him up with so much strength and force that they collided together. But he captured the advantage of the moment to hug her tightly against him. "Thank you."

Garrus cleared his throat. "Can we get a move on? You two are not much better company than these husks here," he joked, opening the next door to reveal a malfunctioning terminal chopping up Miranda's recorded voice message.

Shepard left Thane's arms to examine the terminal. "Looks like it's been damaged," she said, rewiring a few cables. "Hang on."

"Reapers wanted this place shut down," Garrus said as he scanned the area. "Maybe we'll find out why."

The jammed screen cleared again when Shepard had re-routed the right cable. "There it is," Thane said, listening in close to the transmission of Miranda's voice. "_Heading to the tower to disable the communications scrambler. I have to get word out. Some refugees have turned into husks. Some are indoctrinated and shipped to the Illusive Man. Whoever is left is used in experiments,_" Images and feeds painted the holographic screen, causing Thane to clench his teeth in disgust and revulsion. "_The data indicates that my father's trying to figure out how Reaper indoctrination works._"

Shepard was hunched over the terminal in denial. "Tricking these refugees with food and shelter only to turn them into test subjects. And for what?"

Garrus sighed deeply, as if the whole situation had worn him down. "Draw them in and throw them in a meat grinder."

Thane crossed his arms, contemplating on what Miranda had said. "Note that she mentioned shipping indoctrinated refugees to the Illusive Man. We can use that to find him."

Shepard turned to him, and placed a hand firmly on his shoulder plating. "Good catch, now let's go. Miranda said she was heading to the central tower."

* * *

"_Tower access granted,_" the VI said once they all were inside the elevator safely. Shepard leaned against the wall, completely out of breath from the sudden attack earlier. But they had all made it out alive with only a few cuts and bruises.

The ride up was short, and sooner than later they were just outside the door leading into the central control center. "Get ready," she said as she forcefully opened the door, guns loaded and ready.

"Shepard. . ." Miranda weakly called out, clearly wounded from behind a desk. But she had her barrel pointed at her father, who had just held a struggling Oriana to his chest as a shield, his other hand holding a pistol to Shepard.

"Ah, Commander Shepard," he said almost pleasantly. "Excellent timing."

Her steps were silent as she advanced toward them. "Put the gun down."

"No. Oriana tried to shoot me," his gaze had turned menacing. "Miranda's poisonous influence, no doubt."

"I'm sorry she missed," Shepard admitted, looking around the perimeter of the room. "Where's Kai Leng?"

"I don't know. Gone. He took my research and left us here to die."

Her eyes went to behind the desk where Miranda was injured. "Miranda, can you hear me?"

She struggled to get to her feet, but she was strong and persevered. "That's close enough, both of you!" Henry yelled, becoming angry. "Kai Leng didn't finish the job, but I will."

"This ends here," Shepard said sternly, thinking of all the images of suffering and sickening experiments these refugees had gone through.

"On the contrary. Now that the Reapers are taken care of, we have a way out."

Shepard was sick of this man's game. "Let. Her. Go."

"Shepard," Miranda paused to take a staggering breath, "don't let him take her."

As much as she wanted to put a bullet through the man's skull right at this moment, Shepard decided to play his game. She didn't want to see Oriana and Miranda suffer any longer. "I have no problem with you," the words didn't sound as convincing as she tried to utter them from her lips. "I just want Oriana and the research data.."

"You want a lot."

"You get your life in return." She began to take steps sideways, examining him from all angles. "How much is that worth?"

There was a pause of complete silence, and Shepard began to hold her breath. Henry's eyes squinted in suspicion, but he ultimately released Oriana and pushed her away. "Alright, take her, but I want out alive."

Shepard didn't even see Miranda charge up with biotics, but she definitely saw her shooting him out of the room through the glass with a powerful warp. The glowing faded, but the hole of shattered glass where her father had died through still remained. "No deal."

Thane had wrapped his arm around her shoulder comfortingly as they watched Miranda approach her sister who was still in shock on the floor. "Did he hurt you? Are you alright?" She pulled her up to embrace her tightly, much as she had done to Thane earlier. Shepard knew what it felt like to being on the verge of losing somebody so close. "It's okay, Ori. You're safe now."

She felt good leaving Sanctuary. The communications scrambler had been disabled, and Miranda's message would deter anyone trying to seek refuge there. Oriana and Miranda were finally free from their father, and can look forward to their futures. And now, in her hand, she held the tracker that would lead her right to the man she wanted to kill a thousand times over. As she looked upon Thane when they were arriving at the Normandy's shuttle bay, that desire only grew until it was all she could think about.


	12. Chapter 11

"_Commander_," Joker said over the Normandy's intercom. "_Dr. Chakwas would like to speak with you down in the medbay_."

She felt her eyebrows mash together in confusion. "I'll be right down."

The CIC was strangely quiet as she made her way to the elevator. She couldn't help but think that whatever was down there in the medbay was going to be bad news. With shoulders held high, Shepard exited the elevator to see the doctor standing outside the medbay doors.

"Hello, Commander, it's good to see you," she said as she shook her hand. "I thought you might want an update on your squad member."

Her machine heart felt as though it stopped. "I wasn't aware that one of my crew had been injured."

She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, the Lieutenant is fine. He had a slightly deep lesion on his forearm, but nothing I couldn't fix. He's all patched up now; the medi-gel had tripled his healing time, but he's still mildly delirious from the pain medication I gave him earlier. That should wear off in a couple of hours and he should be fine by tomorrow."

The doctor walked away to the crew's quarters, but then unexpectedly stopped and turned back to her. "And by the way, Lieutenant Johnson reminds me of that drell, Mr. Krios. Just how he is so polite, formal, and gracious. He really is a good man, Commander. I think you two are excellent for each other."

A grin had managed to form on her lips, long after Dr. Chakwas was gone, leaving her alone in the hallway. In her stomach were those butterflies she got when she was a child, or before she gave a pep-talk before a fight. It encouraged her to step forward through the medbay doors, and beside the stretcher that Thane was laying on.

His chest was bare except for his forearm which was neatly wrapped with gauze. It looked as though he had been sleeping, but her presence aroused him to blink his incredibly blue eyes open. "Hey," he croaked out, sheepishly smiling and his voice sounded gritty from sleep. "The one person I wanted to see."

"How are you doing?" she asked, positioning a chair next to his bed to sit in.

"Oh," he mumbled, as he looked upon his bandaged forearm. "This is nothing, just a cut."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "'Just a cut' isn't how Dr. Chakwas described it. And you need to work a little better on your cover, Lieutenant Johnson. Either that, or Chakwas has an incredible talent of identifying someone's personality."

"Just wait a minute," he started to argue. "I have been under the influence of strange drugs I've never taken before. You have to at least cut me some slack."

She couldn't help but laugh at him. He was so vulnerable and completely irresistible that Shepard had a hard time suppressing the impulse to take advantage of him right now.

He chuckled along with her. "But more importantly, how are you holding up?"

Shepard fell silent at the question to look down at the immaculately clean floor. "Do you want the short story, or the truth?"

His gaze pulled her right in, entrapping her in their depths. "I want to know everything."

"The truth is. . . I'm terrified. Whenever I close my eyes, I see his face. I think of all the failures I've done, and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough." Her hands squeezed together to try to release the tension she felt. "As much as I'd like to use my own hands to kill him a thousand times over for what he's done to you, and to us, I don't think I can do it."

Thane was quiet for a moment. He finally eased her hands into his own, holding them against the soft skin on his chest. "I remember one of my mentors back on Kahje when I was going through my training. He had told me, 'It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices.' I believe that the struggle you are going through with yourself is ultimately that you consider your skills are not adequate. But that is wrong; you simply have decided that it isn't your place to take his life without really realizing it." He paused for a brief second, as if deciding whether or not to continue. "That is why I will do it."

Her head snapped up at his words. "What? Do you realize what you're saying? I think those pain medications are impairing your thoughts."

He shook his head. "I know exactly what I am saying. Sometimes, life demands you to render your own beliefs and morals to do something that is beyond what you deem comfortable. I am not doing it out of revenge, I am doing it because you believe it's right, and because I love you-,"

She had cut off his words when her lips pressed forcefully upon his. At first, she crushed them together, afraid that it might be the last time they ever do so. But eventually Thane had relaxed their kiss into something softer and passionate than Shepard ever dreamed of experiencing.

He broke off suddenly, leaving her eyes closed and wanting more. "Siha, I think this is inappropriate unless inside of your cabin walls."

"Let's make it appropriate, then."

His half smile had returned the butterflies to her stomach again. "I'm in no shape to do this tonight, siha. Maybe -,"

"You said it yourself," she interrupted him, pulling him off the narrow cot. "It's just a cut."

* * *

Thane ignored the burning of his arm as he carried her into the cabin. This night was like the eye of the storm, the calmness just before the chaos. He read the reports. Two hours ETA; two mere hours until the final assault. Emotionally and physically he was ready, but mentally? His mind was on the woman that was stripping herself of her clothing in front of him.

"Do you ever think of what could have been?" She asked, relinquishing her bra. "What we could have changed?"

He had to be honest. "With every waking moment."

She advanced toward him, her body swaying like silk. "Would you still be here, with me tonight?"

Her hands were upon his chest, and he could feel their warmth through the thin cotton. "I've had regrets. I've made mistakes. But I learn to accept them, because they've made me who I am. Without them, I wouldn't be here, or be the man I was meant to become."

He could feel her breath against his skin as she leaned in closer. "What about the future?"

His hands ran over the course of her spine before he gently laid her on the bed. "The hurricane will pass, and then we'll enjoy that place by the sea."


	13. Chapter 12

_Shepard looked around the trees in the dense forest. Paper and debris floated through the musty air. The child ran as fast as his short legs could take him, his jacket was slightly too big for his body. She continued to pursue him._

_ The whispers returned. Plumes of smoke surrounded her like shadows, writhing in the darkness. She heard her name, as if the voice breathed on the nape of her neck. "Shepard, come back."_

_ She focused on the boy and kept running, but everything was slow, sluggish. Suddenly, she halted, and watched as the boy ran eagerly to a figure that crouched to take him into their arms. On a closer inspection, Shepard squinted her eyes to reveal the person was a mirror image of herself. She watched as the other Shepard embraced the child, and looked up to her, an almost smug look on her face._

_ They watched her as they both were consumed by the flames, their faces stuck in a forever smile until they vanished into nothing._

Gasping, Shepard awoke from her dream, absorbing her surroundings. Above her, the seamless horizon of space with the silent gusts of solar wind and bright stars reminded her that it was reality.

She checked behind her, Thane was aroused from his sleep. Shepard sighed and she scooted to the edge of the bed, placing her head in her hands in desperation.

Thane rubbed her back, tracing his hands along her spine. "Tell me what it was about."

"It's so . . . unsettling," she admitted. "I don't know what it all means."

"Maybe I can be of assistance, siha."

She rubbed her face and turned back to him, looking into his crystalline blue eyes. "I – I tried to save a child back on Earth. He was crawling through the air vents when Anderson and I were navigating through the wreckage to get picked up by the Normandy. I offered to help him, but when I turned my back to him for a split second when Anderson distracted me, the kid was gone.

"I've dreamed of him nearly every night since I watched his shuttle go down. He's haunted me, reminding me that there are countless other children experiencing the same fate." She clenched her teeth together to regain her composure. "And now, I saw myself go down with him in the flames."

He was quite for a moment. Shepard was sure he was always deeply thinking when he didn't say anything. Thane always has been a person to ponder things before he spoke. "There is a Drell saying: the dreams reflect what the dreamer truly feels, even if they do not consciously accept it. The subconscious is one of the most complex and adverse concepts, and even now we do not fully understand it. Sometimes it may even warn us of what is yet to unfold."

She tried to process what Thane was saying, but she couldn't understand what he was getting at. Was this dream her way of telling herself that she might not survive this war?

The thought was painful, and she pushed it away. "I appreciate your insight, Thane."

They kissed; it was simple and sweet, but too short for her tastes. The mission is at hand, they both knew this. It was what they were preparing for.

* * *

In the war room, Shepard watched the hologram of Cerberus' HQ as the Alliance's attack unfolded. Thane observed Shepard, wondering what she would say or do next. From behind them, EDI came in the door from the CIC. "Shepard, I should accompany you on this mission."

She didn't even peel her eyes away from the hologram. "Why?"

EDI advanced toward her. "This is the central point of operations for Cerberus. It will have advance security measures. With my knowledge of Cerberus algorithms, and this body's updated protocols, I offer you the best chance for you to succeed."

Shepard shifted her gaze from EDI to Thane, and then back to the hologram. He wondered what could possibly go through her mind at this moment. "Grab your gear," she said sternly, walking out of the War Room.

* * *

They had fought through the base, and Shepard was overwhelmingly happy that she had brought EDI along. They would have been suffocated to death back before they had launched the fighter jet at their entrance.

Another obstacle blocked their path, but EDI was already preparing her omni-tool to hack through the door. "Shepard, that console has not been fully scrubbed. It contains data that may find . . . interesting."

Shepard's brows mashed together as she accessed the console, bringing up numerous holovids. "What am I looking at?"  
"Project Lazarus, your reconstruction."

Her finger hesitated over the button, and she decided to play the first entry log.

A doctor was talking to a projection of the Illusive Man. "It can't be done, it's not a matter of resources."

The man took a pull from his cigarette. "It's always a matter of resources. We're not losing Shepard."

"Sir, Shepard is clinically brain dead. With that much trauma, that long with no oxygen . . . we cannot overcome nature."

"Operative Lawson disagrees. She is now in charge of Project Lazarus."

Shepard was hunched slightly, the weight of the reality had hit her like a mako rolling over her. "I didn't realize it was that bad." Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with the thought that there was no afterlife. She had been dead, and there was no heaven or hell or purgatory. Just . . . nothing.

"I think it was meant to be, siha. The will of the universe works in strange ways. How are you holding up?" Thane said quietly behind her.

"I'm still me. I'm still the same person that I always was." Shepard said, more for herself than anyone else. "Or maybe I'm just this high tech VI that thinks its Commander Shepard . . . but I don't know I-"

"From what I gather, they wanted you back exactly how you were," Thane interrupted her, as well as reassuring her. "A VI would not compensate for Commander Shepard, the hero of the Citadel, savior of the galaxy. You are an icon, and no amount of machinery, no matter how advanced, can replace that."

"Yeah, you're right . . . thank you," she whispered, thankful Thane was here.

She played the next vid, curious and frightened to what she might find.

"Degeneration is proceeding," the same scientist told the Illusive Man. "The helmet kept the brain intact, whatever good that will do."

"Lawson will find a way."

"Sir, you realize that Shepard is an Alliance veteran. A Cerberus op wiped out her entire squad," he sounded almost afraid.

"Shepard is a soldier. She knows the Reapers are the real threat. She'll work with us." In comparison, the Illusive Man seemed very certain that his whole project and Shepard's outcome will go as he planned.

The holovid ended.

"He thought he knew you, Siha. He thought he could use the Reapers as a way to get you to work with him," Thane concluded.

Shepard stared at the terminal. "He was wrong. Every fiber in my body told me not to trust Cerberus. But I needed their help. They were the only ones that gave a crap about the real threat, the only ones that believed me." She drew in a deep breath. "So I played along."

"No one blames you for your course of actions, Shepard. You did what was necessary to stop the Collectors," Thane reminded her.

The last vid pulled up on the console. This time there was an additional scientist. The doctor in the previous vids sounded hopeful. "Project Lazarus is showing signs of neurological activity. They're requesting more funding."

The Illusive Man was all too eager to spend his credits. Wealthy bastard. "Granted. Get me our potential recruits file. Shepard will be up soon, we need a crew."

The female doctor interjected. "Our existing forces should be more than sufficient."

"No," Illusive Man disagreed. "We need sympathetic faces. I need Shepard invested. Tap Kelly Chambers and contact Dr. Chakwas along with Shepard's pilot."

The vid ended, leaving Shepard fuming.

"That almost seems . . . unethical. It is as though they wanted you to be comfortable and not see the true side of Cerberus," Thane shook his head.

Shepard swallowed harshly. The whole damn thing put a bad taste in her mouth. "How's that door coming along EDI?" She asked, trying to move on.

The door's interface changed from orange to green. "We are clear to proceed."

_Author's Note: I am so sorry, it has almost been a year since I last updated this. I apologize profusely, I feel horrible that I haven't finished this story. But I am currently working on the Kai Leng boss fight and it's going to be bad ass, so stay tuned. Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. _


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